I want to make it clear, the fact that you are reading this right now is proof that I have overcome a boat-load of obstacles to accomplish something that is very important to me, and that's the point. 

It means I've finally rid myself of some old, deeply negative messages that have kept me paralyzed for a long time, longer than I even realized.

Messages that said I couldn't do it, because I'm too scatter-brained, and have no follow-through. That no one wants to hear my story. That speaking my truth is self-indulgent, that I have no standing to claim my experience of my own life as truth. That no one will read it, that it will be a waste of time. That blogging is trivial, and Facebook is for wasting time. That I can't possibly form an accurate opinion of myself, or analysis. That some inherent character flaw in me is so apparent to others, though invisible to me, that I should be ashamed to speak of my own life. That everyone else's opinion is more important than mine, not to mention more intelligent, and just more valid.

I overturned that verdict. 

It's actually far more plausible to believe that I am actually a pretty balanced combination of smart, kind, and creative, and that certain unique features of my brain function combined with my values, my history, and my sheer endurance have combined to give me both an interesting tale to tell, and the means and ability to tell it.

Some things that make it harder are the ADD and the toddler, they combine to make follow-through a real challenge, but that's also the point....

The fact that it takes work, persistence, that some parts may be painful, even that I may drop the ball from time to time when Life Piles Up- none of these, not even combined, rise to the level of Reasons Not To Bother. They do add up to what I call a Degree of Difficulty-- just a small bump in my mental self-score, a recognition that while others may find these things easy (or make it look easy), maybe it IS a bigger challenge for me than others. Maybe life is harder for a lot of people, for a lot of reasons, in ways we can't see or even imagine unless they tell their stories too, and someone listens. The point is if doesn't stop you, at least not for long, or forever, if you keep going regardless of pain, confusion, and fatigue... whatever you accomplish in your life gets bonus points In My Book, and I think it should in yours too.

I think it's ok to say that life is hard sometimes, even harder at other times, and maybe, just maybe, you should pat yourself on the back for being such a trouper, and carrying on. It sure as hell beats giving up, and it's much less exhausting than self-pity.

It was ingrained in me many years ago, rather painfully, that I'm not worth listening to, and 'people like me' don't matter. Self-esteem is not a buzzword for me, it has real meaning, real consquence, and every little scrap of it that I have has been hard-won. Or maybe hard-recovered, or remembered.... yeah, that's probably more accurate. 

So I won't be asking anyone's pardon for the self-indulgence of speaking my truth, or apologizing for being me- and if my story inspires you, comforts you, or does anything at all for you, that's also bonus points In My Book. The real triumph is writing it.